Wednesday, March 3, 2010

And the roller coaster ride begins...

Before I begin this post, I want to say a huge THANK YOU to all of you that were willing to pray for the court hearing regarding our foster baby. Thank you to those of you that commented, and to those that emailed me so kindly sharing their willingness to pray for this situation. I appreciate it more than you know.

I don't like roller coasters...I am not a thrill seeker. We went on a little mid week trip with some friends for the last couple days, and my wonderful DH conned me into going on a waterslide that another friend of mine had warned me about. I knew I should not have trusted him, I knew he was hiding something, yet I got on the raft with him and entered into a dark hole, and was swiftly plummeted down a direct drop off into nowhere that felt like oh, about a 50 foot drop to my death. I honestly don't know what happened as my eyes were closed, I was screaming at the top of my lungs, and I think I blacked out for a moment. I was so mad at him. He knows I don't like thrill rides!

As we were playing around at this waterpark, the court hearing was happening for our foster baby. We really wanted to attend, but our friends only had these days open, and my DH booked the dates without realizing we had the hearing that day. We aren't required to be there, but it is just nice to go and see and hear with your own eyes and ears what is happening. What we know so far is that her plan was changed to adoption. Unfortunately, a relative has emerged. I expected this to happen at some point, but it is still a bit of a shock. Since I have heard this info from two other people other then our social worker, I am not clear on who it is-either a paternal great uncle, or maternal great-great uncle. This doesn't mean she will be placed with them for sure, but there is a chance, and relatives, even distant relatives are looked at in a much higher position than foster parents. So, we wait and pray, and begin the roller coaster ride of emotions and uncertainty. Where am I at this time? You know when you slowly climb, up, up, up, and you are at the top of the highest peak on a roller coaster, right before it plummets down the tracks at an insane speed? Well, I feel like I am at the top, waiting, knowing it could come crashing down at any time, not knowing if it might derail. That's the part I hate about roller coasters. I don't like them at all.

7 comments:

notesfromthefrugaltrenches said...

Having been through this personally, I can sadly relate.

(((hugs)))

Jill said...

Been thinking of you........I have followed your blog with much interestknowing this might be a path DH would take someday. I cannot fathom what you are feeling right now, but please know you are in my heart and prayers.
Hugs girl!

Handwoven Dreams said...

Sweet Michelle. This is the worst part of fostering. We care deeply and completely for our foster babies. We assume the minute by minute responsiblity for their bodily needs. We love them. We give ourselves to them. But ultimately our rights to advocate for them (except for the profound and eternal privilege to pray for them)are so limited. I have NEVER lived through anything that resembles the challenges and joys of fostering. It wrenches the heart. Take care, dear friend. My prayers will remain with you, the baby and your family.

The Passionate Housewife said...

Michelle,

Thank you for sharing your link on my blog.
I will need to go back through your posts tonight to read about your story. I understand the gist from this post and feel deeply led to pray for your family,

Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you...

Blessings.

jeanette said...

michelle-life has been so crazy I haven't had time to check blogs for 3 weeks...just saw this and wanted you to know I'm praying for you guys. praying you know HIS comfort thru this roller coaster.

Karen said...

I can understand how this must make you feel. Definitely not an easy place to be in. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hugs~

Wife to the Rockstar said...

UUUUG. I am so sorry ..... I am sure you are just so tired from it.