Saturday, April 19, 2008


This is the first week we have been trying very hard to keep Lilyann at our side at all times. She loves being held, so that helps. At home we are even trying to hold her in the hip carrier at times, which she loves.

Thankfully we aren't dealing with serious behaviors or tantrums, just trying to help her to know more and more that we are her parents, her caregivers, the ones she needs to trust to meet her needs.

Yesterday was Miranda's homeschool co-op day. This is a monthly thing. I decided to take the hip carrier with me, and keep her in the full 3 hrs. if possible. It worked great until the last hour. We were sitting in Miranda's painting class, and Lilyann started to get squirmy, and she needed out. I decided to let her out to sit on my lap, and stand beside me. I was impressed that she stood beside me, keeping one hand on my leg for quite awhile, choosing not to venture too far from me. A very nice lady approached us, and began talking to me. I placed Lilyann back up on my lap. She was asking about China, and what it was like, and admiring Lilyann. She walked away to help a student, and then 5 min. later she returned, and said "Come with me", and literally scooped Lilyann right up off my knee and walked away with her! Okay, here is where I am supposed to say something, and explain that we are working on safe boundaries with her, and that I really can't allow other people to hold her for awhile. But, I was too dumbfounded, and couldn't believe that the one time I take her out of the carrier, she is picked up by a virtual stranger and taken across the room. Finally, after the shock had worn off some, I stood up, and waved at my baby and called her name. She then reached out for me, and wanted to come back to me. The woman brought her back, and sort of abruptly handed her over saying "She was just fine, until you called her name!" This was not said in a rude way, because this person is really just a sweet lady, that had no idea what is going on with us. People honestly just don't understand, often times even when you try to describe what is going on with your adopted child, and why you are handling things the way you are. So, situations like this can be really awkward! Here's hoping we can keep her in the carrier with us tomorrow at church!


Anonymous said...

They really don't understand and it Lilyanne had been with you since birth it probably would be acceptable. Take heart, Lilyanne showed some wonderful signs there and you're confidence will grow in telling people!
Poppy and Peony

Tereasa said...

I'd like to know how church went today. I am praying that the confidence you need will come.

Michelle, there are people who don't think babies should be held by parents only. They will scoop them up to "give you a break" or to teach a baby to not be shy. This is why you must, whether the other person understands or not, explain your stand. You don't have to explain attachment. Simply stating that Lilyann needs to learn about family should be enough.

I know this is hard, but I'm speaking from experience. Abby is most difficult after we have allowed her to be "passed around." I am sure that difficulty stems from insecurity. You can think about that when you lack the courage to speak up. Remember, you're doing this for your daughter's safety.

If you get another comment like, "She was fine, until..." Perhaps, you could say, "She doesn't have a problem with strangers because she was raised by "strangers." It's my job to teach her that "mom" is her safe place. When she is not fine without me, you can hold her." Then wink!

Anonymous said...

It is hard. We are facing much of the same right now with our little guy. People just do not get it!!