Precious baby L

On July 23rd, 2009 I was pulling into the parking lot of a local farm supply store, when my cell phone rang. It was dh, saying there was a call from dcfs, about a baby girl, 7 wks. old. After numerous other calls, and saying no to placements of so many, were we finally ready to take this little one into our hearts and home? I quickly called the sw back for more info. She said they had the baby at their office. Her mother was young, this was her first child. They had no idea what direction this case would go.  The sw called us even though we were only supposed to get calls for "foster adopt" situations, but this was clearly not that. I called dh back, and we had to make a fast decision, as this baby needed someone. At that moment, we both agreed, that yes, we would take her. I remember driving over to the dcfs office, wondering what this experience would be like. I waited in the waiting room, and two women came out carrying this little one in her car seat. I looked down at her, and immediately fell in love with her angelic face. I brought her home to dh, and we both looked at her and couldn't believe how beautiful she was. I remember one of the first times I held her in my arms, she looked up at me and smiled!! She was so aware, and so social, for such a young age. She hasn't stopped smiling since! She has brought so much joy. She is so loved by us all.

Today was another part of the roller coaster ride I've been on, but I think I stepped off today. Although, I still feel like I'm riding. As I was getting ready to head out to the relinquishment hearing, I got a call from the GAL. She had just heard from baby L's attorney who said that the relinquishment may not happen today, because baby L's mom had to go to another court hearing in another city on some criminal charges. She said she was supposed to meet with her at 1pm, but didn't think she would make it. I was advised not to go, as nothing would happen, but I decided to go anyway. When I drove up, I saw baby L's great grandmother, so I knew her bio mom must be there. Then I found out that the attorney presented her with the open adoption agreement and relinquishment right then and there and she signed it! Talk about waiting til the last minute, because the hearing was at 1:30. She has 48 hrs. to change her mind, but because the attorney is out this week, she has until next wed. to let someone know if she changes her mind. The sw said not to worry, because noone ever changes their mind, and if she did, it would mean termination trial, which would be worse for her anyway.
I also just found out that baby L's mom requested one last good-bye visit. She has made no effort to see her since before Christmas, but wants a good-bye visit, and she wants us to facilitate it. She doesn't want a social worker or transportation person like they usually have. When I told dh this, we both felt a sense of sadness. Although we are so glad things are finally moving in a positive direction toward permanancy for baby L and us, the thought of her mom having us bring her for a good-bye visit with us there is very bittersweet. I can't imagine it. I think partly because I cannot comprehend what her mom's life must be like. I cannot comprehend relinquishing a child. My heart would break into peices. And, my heart breaks for her. The good-bye visit seems like what so many that adopt an infant domestically might experience. There are so many emotions there, both happy, and sad. I really wish I had some sort of idea of what she is thinking, or going through right now.

On the flip side, I am so thankful, and grateful to God for this day! Baby L is such an amazing blessing to us. She walks around the house saying "hi momma" all the time now, and she loves hugs and kisses and snuggling up on my lap with her blankie. I can't imagine if things had gone the other way what we would all be going through. God is so good and so gracious. He has carried us through, and I have grown so much along this path. It's feels like a miracle.